What it means to be a better ally to women.

Written by pranav Sethaputra and sri ranjini mei hua

On 22 July 2020, WOMAG (Women in Agribusiness Asia) hosted a discussion on how men can become better allies to women, particularly in the workplace. The session was framed as an opportunity for men (like Pranav, moderator of the session and co-author of this article) to ask the women in the room (including Ranjini, the other co-author) how they can better support women as allies. 

Before we delve into a summary of the action points from the discussion, it’s important that we outline a few key concepts surrounding sexism. Sexism is, after all, a system, and understanding systems are central to changing them.

What is sexism?

Broadly, sexism is a system of prejudice and discrimination against a group based on their sex or gender. Sexism can affect anyone, but primarily affects women and girls. What’s quite insidious about sexism is that sexist behaviour doesn’t have to be rooted in the hatred or deliberate oppression of women - that’s misogyny. In fact, anyone could perpetuate systematic, sexist discrimination against women whilst genuinely believing that they are being supportive of them - this is called benevolent sexism. For example, a man could reduce the workload of a new mum on his team by exempting her from certain meetings with leadership without consulting her, (un)intentionally reducing the visibility that she may have needed, and wanted, for a promotion she was vying for.

What is an ally to women?

An ally is a member of an advantaged group who advocates and takes action to support a marginalised group. An ally to women is someone who: expresses as little sexism in his own behaviour as possible; understands the social privilege accorded to him by his gender and other markers of privilege and; actively addresses gender inequities. Being an ally is not about being perfect - it’s about making a commitment to improving yourself and the world around you. 

The goal of an ally is to promote and encourage progress along the “continuum of allyship” for himself and others - from being apathetic (clueless and disinterested regarding gender issues), to aware (knows the issues, but does nothing about it), to active (is aware of the issues and willing to engage in action, but only when asked) to becoming an advocate (routinely and actively championing inclusion). 

Why are male allies important?

1. Gender inequality affects everyone: Many gender initiatives focus solely on women - from the way they perceive and present themselves, to the way they lead. While these programmes play a pivotal role in empowering women and creating safe spaces for them, the exclusion of men from such programmes overlooks systemic structural inequities and could propagate the idea that “women’s issues” don’t concern men. Though sexism is a system that privileges men, it is also a system that governs their behaviour. Transforming such systems and establishing a “new normal” requires the involvement of all agents,including (and especially) those that benefit from it.

2. Men have a clear role to play: Gender-parity efforts are most effective when men believe that they have the power to effect change. Without the support of men (who disproportionately occupy positions of power), promoting equity and higher levels of inclusivity in organisations will never come to fruition. A study by BCG indicated that when men were deliberately engaged in gender inclusion programmes in the workplace, 96% of organisations saw progress - as compared to only 30% of organisations where men were not actively engaged.

3. Allies add credibility to social movements: While most men may feel it isn’t their place to call out sexism in the workplace, men sometimes produce more effective results by calling it out compared to women - and they receive less backlash for it. Research indicates that men's claims of sexism are often considered more legitimate and credible because they are seen as acting in the absence of self-interest. Moreover, research also suggest that women feel more empowered to report sexism and sexual harassment in environments where male allies speak up. While it is, in and of itself, sexist that women’s claims are seen as less credible, this highlights the need for more ally voices in the workplace.

This brings us to the main question - “how can men be better allies to women”?

1. Start by recognising your own biases: Sexism can take a toll on women’s professional reputations and sense of self-worth. The damage caused is even more pronounced among women who face compounded discrimination based on their age, ethnicity, socio-economic status, sexual orientation, and gender identity. When speaking to women in the workplace, check your language. How are you framing the conversation? Are you being condescending or patronising? Be mindful of your implicit biases and re-evaluate your behaviours.

2. Listen without judgement: One of the most fundamental ways to learn - both about the experiences of women and what good allyship looks like - is to listen to the women around you. Although it may sound simple, many listen to respond - while subconsciously formulating a response or rebuttal - instead of doing so to understand the other person’s point of view. Ask women (instead of assuming) how you can best support them. If you feel ill-prepared, a plethora of resources can be accessed with a quick search.

3. Call out discrimination when you see it: Observe the role of women in your workplace - is there a lack of women in decision-making positions? Are women disproportionately represented in the lower administrative levels? Are women often subject to sexist comments? There are of course varied approaches you can take to calling out sexist behaviour, informed in part by the cultural and power dynamics at play. Taking a sexist comment as an example, you could demonstrate disapproval by not validating the comment, pulling that colleague aside discreetly to explain why their comments were offensive, or calling it out publicly. If sexism appears to be embedded within the organisational culture, it would even help to raise these issues with your leadership or Human Resources. 

4. Get uncomfortable and grow: Learning about and from the personal and professional challenges faced by women may induce feelings of shame, guilt, and anger in men. Instead of avoiding confrontation, one needs to engage more, reflect on personal beliefs and attitudes, and learn. When someone calls out sexist behaviour (even if it’s your own), one should take it as an opportunity to grow, not as an assault. Then, bring what you’ve learned from these conversations to other men, boys, girls, and women. 

5. Amplify women’s voices: When we think of male allyship, our thoughts often go to what men can do more of, when really, men could actually support women by doing less. This can include passing along opportunities that will amplify a woman’s voice in public fora like conferences, but also - quite crucially - in smaller, day-to-day meetings where visibility is key to career progression. When you hear a woman at work being interrupted, talked over, or worse, having her ideas co-opted by someone else, instead of using a gap in the conversation to add your two cents, use it first to call attention to a voice that is otherwise being drowned out. 

While this article focuses on a few steps that men can take towards becoming better allies to women in the workplace, we have to recognise that a holistic approach is critical to overcoming a deep-seated system of prejudice which plays out within and beyond the workplace. It takes all agents of society (women and girls included) to dismantle a system that has become entrenched in our culture. Individual agency alone will not suffice, but it is a start.